Showing posts with label mentors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mentors. Show all posts

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Shake It Off, Shake It Off!

How did I get here?
Only one day back from New York and I’m at it again. Despair. Worrying. Letting my mind drag me so far down to depths that I never even knew existed within me.

STOP. ENOUGH. If there’s one thing this amazing trip has taught me,restored within me, is faith. Hope. Belief in myself again.

It gave me back some positive. It gave me the perspective I've been digging for under the rumble of this past year. Pushing past rocks and grim, trash and sorrow to find some sort of gem, some sort of sign to help keep my faith alive.

I don’t know if it was the isolation and beauty of upstate New York. The time, freedom and safe, creative environment that allowed me to work on my crafts.  The sleepless nights, the grandeur of the city and lights that seemed too much to take in at moments. Walking everywhere around the bustling, busy streets or being surrounded by talented fellow artists and hearing/seeing their great work at the retreat and in the Big Apple. It helped to rejuvenate my spirits. Fill my well.


Skyline of NYC from Brooklyn.
I was in Greenport, NY for a week participating as an actress and writer in the Manhattan Film Institute’s summer program, Writer’s Retreat With Chazz Palminteri. After that I visited friends in the city and explored, soaking up the culture. As an actor I helped workshop materials of fellow writers and as a writer I got to pitch my own feature screenplay idea, read some pages from it and receive feedback. When I pitched my 7 or so ideas for features and pilots to Chazz and Tony they both kept telling me, “I like that – this, these are very good.” Chazz called me out telling me something to the effect of, “You need to pick one and just go. Stop BSing around and making excuses and just do it.” It’s true, I am. I was.


Sunset from my hotel in Greenport.
The retreat helped me remember that I am destined for greatness. As I think we all are. We all have many gifts to share with the world and as Chazz put it so eloquently in his one-man show turned film A Bronx Tale, “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” And I think that’s what I’ve been mourning over. The wasting. The waiting. The lack of money that has made me feel a lack of self – worth and motivation.









Then what am I waiting for? And if not me, if not us, then who? Who can we depend on to share their talents? We can't all be waiting for others to step up. To transform the world through art. "Whose gonna save the world tonight? Whose gonna bring it back to life?" Me. You. Us. Together.


Tony Spiridakis leading a Q&A with Chazz Palminteri
after a screening of A Bronx Tale.
I'll never forgot when Chazz was telling us how we need to think about every choice we make and ask ourselves if it's moving us closer or farther away from our purpose, our dream, what we believe in.

He used the example of the character of C in A Bronx Tale. His character was trying to decide whether or not to get into the car with his friends who were going to commit a crime. Are you in the car or are you out of the car?

I'm out of the car and I'm moving forward.



The best teachers I could have hoped for!
(Left To Right: Jeff, Me, Chazz & Tony)

Words cannot express my gratitude to all of my mentors, teachers, supporters, family and friends throughout the years and particularly through this dark time where I’ve found myself, a person of usually very positive demeanor and spirit, not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jeff McCracken, one of the few professors and amazing mentors of mine from Chapman who I felt truly supported and believed in me from the get go and encouraged all my passions; writing, directing, acting and producing. He never discouraged me and told me I needed to pick a focus. He’s been like a father to me. And that’s saying a lot for me considering I’m estranged from my father and even when I wasn’t I still was in a sense. I’m extremely grateful for my newfound honorary father figure mentors and teachers from the writer’s retreat, Tony Spiridakis and Chazz Palminteri. Two wonderfully creative men with such honesty, intelligence and heart. I'm so grateful to have been guided and taught by you all at the retreat. I finished the first act of my feature and my outline for the rest is ready to go. It's just up to me.


3 Generations Of Amazing Friends!
HS, College & "Real World."
I'm Truly Blessed!

To my past transplants and newfound New York family/friends, I thank you for showing me such generous hospitality while exploring your state and city. I had the time of my life and I've never felt this way before - TANGENT! Pump the breaks! No, but seriously, I'm so grateful for people like you within my life.










And now that I’m rejuvenated, now that I’ve found a little bit of hope again I’m ready to …

"Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa"



So apparently I thought they were saying “Shake It Off” not “Shake It Out” this whole time. But whatevs I like "Shake It Off" better and it's my blog so I can title this entry whatever I want! Ha!

What will my next step be? In the car? Out of the car?
This inner battle of not believing in myself; not allowing my inner artist out to play as they stand at the closed glass door longingly staring outside as the rain pours. No matter the puddles, thunder and lightening - I want to play. I’m ready to play!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Contemplating My One Year LA & Disney Anniversary While Sitting At A Table At The Gratitude Cafe

Today marks the one year anniversary of when I started with Disney as the writer and project manager of the Blue Sky Think Tank. A year ago on this very day is when I began working at DCP (Disney Consumer Products) and a few days before that was when I moved to Los Angeles. And by "moved" I mean officially started crashing on couches 'til I found a place of my own. So technically it's also my one year anniversary of living in Los Angeles - crazy! I want to take a moment to reflect on all the change that's happened in the past year and the most importantly focus on - GRATITUDE!


So much has changed in a year. It's flown by but I also feel like I've been here forever. DCP has changed - I'm no longer working there. Still in the Disney family but working at their Children's Center. And though I love working with kids it's not my main passion. I still currently seek a position in a more creative field that aligns with my true passions.


Don't get me wrong I'm extremely grateful to have a job - period. I guess I'm just supposed to type the symbol for period instead of writing the word "period." Period - HA! I'm grateful that I get to play with wonderful children as I watch them learn and grow. When I truly allow myself to be in the moment with them, in their games and their laughter - those are the perfectly blissful and cherished moments. That's what reminds me of why I'm doing what I'm doing and why it's important. It makes me think of the Mac McAnally song "It's My Job." I thought of it and hummed along while I swept on and off stage as an ASM for the Old Globe/USD, while I helped rally kids to perform a play of "Where The Wild Things Are" in an after school program in San Diego, I sang it at DCP during my late, late work nights in the Tank and I have here at the center. A song that reminds me no matter your job you must take pride in the work you do and do your absolute best because it is your job. How can I allow myself
to do anything less than my best? Cause...

"It's my job to be cleaning up this mess
And that's enough reason to go for me
It's my job to be better than the rest
And that makes the day for me."

 But the song also seeks to remind us that your job does not define you. It isn't who you are but merely what you do. That was something I definitely had to come to terms with during my few months of painful unemployment after DCP before the center. If I don't have a "job" than what am I? Who am I? An artist. A nurturer. A dreamer. Countless things I could continue to list that make up the essence of who I am but has nothing to do with my current "job" and sometimes even my passions.


I'm thankful for all of the fantastic, spirited children I've been lucky enough to teach and play with. Thankful to the phenomenal teachers, subs and faculty who work at the center. They inspire me with their level of professionalism and passion for what they do. It gives me hope that teachers and centers like this exist in the world that truly seek to nurture, teach and help children develop into independent, creative and mature adults.


And of course I'm thankful to the Disney employees (former and current) who started it all - my DCP family. The Think Tank. Global Creative. Publishing. The UGA's. Numerous other departments and individuals who helped to truly bless and create my intern experience at DCP. The list goes on and on.

I feel truly blessed to have ever been given the opportunity in the first place. The position I held in the Tank helped reawaken my first true love and passion - writing. It also teased me with the abundance that the Universe has to offer. You can be paid to do something that you love. The work you do can be fun, inspiring and creative and your work environment can be the same, along with nurturing, flexible and unique compared to the typical 9 - 5 "desk"/"office" job we are told and encouraged by society is a "normal" job to have. Staring across the street at DCP I wonder if the Universe is testing me to see if I can still find time and energy to create my art and follow my passions when I work full time at a job that doesn't involve my art. I was spoiled by Think Tank but it surely set the bar high and gave me a standard to aim for. To never settle for a job that doesn't inspire, infect, nurture and intrigue every once of my creative, emotional, intellectual and social being.

My superiors. My peers. All the people, mentors and friends. You are my Disney family. I remember Andy Mooney's last day at DCP. I will never forget his words as he addressed us all. The very words that made me burst into tears, "You're my Disney family. I see you more than I see my real family." Oh how we all can relate to that statement about the people we work and collaborate with.


Time for All Star Shout Outs - (There's a lot so some readers may want to skim to the end. If I forgot to name someone my deepest apologies. There's too many to name and its overwhelming trying to remember all of you who touched and impacted my DCP experience)

First and foremost, the man who started it all, bringing the concept of a Think Tank to DIMG and then transitioning it to DCP, the most wonderful boss this newbie artist could have ever asked for, Chris Takami. His vision, creativity and leadership skills were an inspiration to me everyday. Him nurturing and being one of the main foundation layers behind the concept of a group of recently graduated college students from various backgrounds and disciplines coming together to brainstorm ideas was genius and something every company should learn from. How many people can say that they once held a job in their lives where they were PAID to brainstorm constantly and simply be creative?


My fellow Tankers; my "Erynifying" copy editor ADD social butterfly, Eryne Lagman, one of the fastest, hardest workers I've ever had the pleasure of working with, Brett Long, the eclectic, karmically sound, whirlwind of talent, one of our artist/animators, Jesse Soto, the chic designer illustrator, Jason Shorr, the unbelievably talented, artist/animator who holds himself to incredibly high standards, Ricardo De Los Angeles and last but certainly not least, the incredibly creative and bold, Aleks Mats, whose outside the box thinking, pushed the boundaries and limits of every brainstorm, idea or project the Tank ever had. "Uncle" George McClements, one of the funniest, most spontaneously creative people I've ever had the pleasure of working with. Tricia "Mama/Auntie Goose" Pierce, the hippest, most fun, truly funny,witty and yet efficient project managers that lives. Our "big sis" for momentarily, the social media/communications Goddess, Annjanette Isorda. My mentors, Vickie Saxon and Kim Levario, two of the most amazingly creative, talented and good hearted professional women who bestowed upon me light-years of wisdom. The fun and inspiring fellow tankers mentors; Ron Velasco, Stephane Kardos, Jeff Shelly, John Quinn, Pedro Fernandez, Kevin Gralewski and Nick Jeong.

Honorary Tankers & Tank Allies; Dan Owen, Charysse Jennings, Heather Laing - Obstbaum, Ann Buckingham, Colleen O'Neil, Leah Fonnette, Jen Marie Del Carpio, Tony Colon, Wing Shum, Tiffany Quon, Eric Tan, Hutch, Danny Tong, Hope Goldstein, Rich Tuzon, Kevin Earl, Maryam Urumieh, Dave Zaslov, Kim Ebeling, Marie Garofalo, Regan Forman, Ryan Astamendi, Stephanie Shapiro. THe COI Dream Team; Libby Spatz, Robin Nelson and Cathy Biermann.

Some of the inspiring movers and shakers of Disney; John Gong, Pam Lifford, Andy Mooney, Gary Foster, Marilyn Magness, Sarah Tilley, Christopher Stefanidis, Dave Dickman, Drew Hayashida and of course our spectacular, insanely creative, one of a kind SVP, Luis Fernandez.
My extended Disney family members; Stuart Smith, Gerald Turpin, Magda Loczi, Erica Yu, Graham Barnard and last but not least, the wonderful friendly faces of the front desk & HR reception who brightened my day, Forest Guider, Josh Stoddard and Michael Boyd.

To all of my many helpful and inspiring meet and greeters during and after my DCP time; Stacy Pyles, Tim McNeal, Michael Duncan, Laura Hitchcock, Heather Knowles, Cathryn McHugh, Karen Painter, David Fisher, Jeff Boodie, Ileana Montano, Brett Eliott, Trent Schneidewind, Ileana Montano, Melinda Thompson and Laura Uyeda


My intern UGA famillia; Alyssa Munoz, Louie Alvarez, Alex Yee, Alex Horn, Corbin Pickett, Dan Vigorito, David Navar, Atoosa Ryanne, Edward Kong, Elana Altmann, DeCarlis Wilson, Maxwell Ernst, FredEric Pratt, Ruby Chen, the many James's - James Min and James Yoon, Jason Wong, Jeanette Saris, Jessica Lopez, Julia Li, Justin Yu, Katie Sacchi, Lydia Han, Kevin Portillo, Kim Chang, Marques Dawson, Mayumi Miyasato, Mike Tang, Neenet Hairapetian, Peter Seng, Phil Tan, Resham Parikh, Robert Daligdig, Ryan Damodaran, Shawn Orgel-Olson, Tatiana Guerrero, Tiffany Fang, Uchenna Obiora, Vinu Natarajan and Zulema Uriarte.

And last but not least, Spencer Stuard and Siobhan Vanaman, former tankers, dear friends and fellow Chapman Alumni who recommended me for the position in the first place.

To all of you, words cannot express the gratitude that I feel for having met and gotten the opportunity to work with each and everyone you. You positively influenced, guided, mentored and/or helped create my wonderful Disney experience far beyond anything I could have imagined


Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be working for a company that I respect so highly. A company that helped to shape my childhood. Working to help continue to flourish this iconic, legendary notion of "the happiest place on earth" where "dreams really do come true" that encouraged me to dream and believe that anything was and is indeed possible.


I completely rejected the concept of moving to LA right after graduation. But once I was offered the position with Disney there was no way I was gonna pass it up no matter the location. But beneath the traffic and the smog. The bits of trash and superficiality. I have been lucky enough to find friends, mentors, people I think of as my second family and places that make me feel like this is my home away from home.

So thank you Universe. Thank you to everyone for helping make my Disney and LA experience worth wild.

I'm beyond grateful.