This Little Light Of Mine

I know why the caged bird sings

Do you -

Really?

This little light of mine

I know why we hide behind electronic devices

I’m gonna let it shine

There are prisons I've locked myself into

I try to fly but sometimes my wings feel too tired

I need to stretch them

Give them some practice

Let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine

This little - little yes, I feel small

When I think of how tall I felt as a child I feel sad

I used to stand on my tip toes with outstretched fingers so my shadow would look even bigger

The shadow that seems to follow me everywhere

Why did Peter Pan ever want to find his shadow again?

Light cannot exist without darkness

What if that was a lie we tell ourselves?

A story to make us feel better about our darkness

I think light can exist with other light

Different shades of brightness

No one better than the other

I’m gonna let it shine

Shine until when?

When I leave this Earth?

This physical plane

This space of physicality and materials

I want to elevate, evolve to a plane of space

Emptiness

Where anything is possible

Where there is no end and no beginning to one individual thing because we are all everything

The source

The light

And the darkness

There is no difference

Only language that tells us so

This is where she is

Where she is waiting

For all of us

Let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine

Thank you Maya for shining your light on us.

Your life though full felt brief as a candle's flame

Life Is Absurd

From sudden deaths and hospitalization to proposals and conceptions.


Life is a constant rebirth. A flow of absurd energy. It is a circle as "The Lion King" says.


And the more sense we try to make of it, the more we drive ourselves insane.


And through it all the wind still blows. The world turns and the rain falls as if nothing is "wrong", significant or changing.


This is life as we know it. With each breath there is a final exhale and a first inhale.


I feel honored to be part of it.


I smelled fresh baking bread this morning as the sun rose.


For a brief moment I was back in South Africa again and thought I might just find my home stay mother making biscuits in the kitchen as I walked out the door for my walk.

Dead Time

I want to live in Time that is alive

Time that breathes air into my tired lungs

I hear people talking about killing Time

I never want to do that

Let alone confess that I committed such a tragic murder

You are mine sweet Time

Even if just for this brief second

I want to enliven and cherish you

Grant you being

I never want to brag about my Busyness or lack of you

Or how I have too much of you on my hands

I promise to never act as if I have no power over making room for you in my life
I will always find Time for you dear Time

The truth is

You are infinite

Abundance

You engulf me as you surround me

I love you for who you are and who you are not

I want to just be with you where you are

Existing

Every second of every minute 
Of every hour of every day
Of every week of every month 
Of every year of every decade

Until I am no longer living

But you live on for others

You may be dead to others

But you were never dead to me

Dear Time,

         I feel so alive in your arms

Sunset Being

The sunset doesn't become easier to describe the more times you see it

No matter if you know the colors or names

It's not the same

I feel no one

No one

Can deny goodness in the world when they see a sunset like this

People take a snap

Put their heads down to text it to their friends or post it online

I just stare

Breathing it in with each inhale

Breathing out the pink, purple and blue

I see it as it comes out of my mouth

Like your warm smokey breathe that lingers in front of your face when it's too cold outside

Until the blended bursts of beauty are in front of my lips

I want to kiss them

Eat them

Suck them back into my mouth

Taste its color

Savor it

Let it linger on my tongue

I swallow it deep into my belly

Filling up the center of my being; it envelops me

Takes me over

Until all I am

All I radiate

Is sunset

Crossed Lines On The Subway

Everyone stands a few feet apart from one another. Just to be safe. Safe enough as not to invade anyones bubbles. Safe enough not to make contact or connection. Peoples eyes look all about, careful never to come into the sight line of another human being. Stomp on your curiosity. Crush your hopes of ever seeing anyone.

But there’s always that one person. Those few people whose gaze lingers a little longer than what is socially acceptable. They are longing - yearning, just as you are. For that connection. For that reminder that we are all apart of this vast planet. Just another number but another number together. Together in our struggle. In our hope. In our dreams of something more.

And suddenly for that split second, that shared moment where your eyes lock onto someone elses for just one brief flash - you get it. You feel it. And it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever felt. And you want to keep looking. Keep being with them. Keep existing within each others eyes. But it’s “awkward.” You shouldn’t. You know its not right. So one of you looks away because the timer is up on when its no longer ok to really see each other.

The real question is, who set this timer in the first place?  

Tea Kettle Love

I love it when you work me up


Spin me round


Push my buttons


Tease until


I explode


Like a teapot


Ringing


Screaming


As if it finishes


They say a watched pot never boils


My blood simmers when you look at me


Your eyes act as my ignitors


My lighter


‘til its so hot


the only way to blow off steam is to release on sound


'til I’m so hot


Steaming


Defeated


All you can do is pour me


Drink me


Warm and done

Time

Time

Beneath the spinning ceiling fan
I breath in sweaty socks
My body is glued heavy to the floor
The aching of my feet
Rings through the air
As air is pushed from here
To there
Low
As if beneath the storm
She lays
Breathing in the ashes from her ancestors
She does not know
Where to go
Or what to do
Or why
But she knows how to stare them in them eye
Where are you coming from?
He asks as the fan blows fiercely in his face
It slowly rotates blowing in hers
Pushing the tear drops from her wet eyes
So close to the floor she can see every flick of dust
Every piece of dirt
Clings
The wood
Is this what ants see?
She wonders to herself
As she stares at the ceiling fan spin
And spin
And spin

The Park Is Open

It seems as if it was only yesterday that I moved into my apartment on Logan Street, half a block from the park of Echo Park. It was one of the selling points of why the place we had found was so perfect. I dreamt it up in my mind and it seemed to be sent to us seamlessly in sync with the Universe.

Shortly after we moved in, almost as an ironic joke, the park went under a huge construction that would not finish for two years. We moved in April 2011 and the park was scheduled to re-open in the Spring of 2013. I only had a few mornings running around that beautiful (yet smelly) lake before I was forced to run the perimeters of construction, usually in the street, hoping some distracted LA driver would not hit me with their car.

Though annoyed, I waited patiently with bated breath

Every time I ran by I couldn't help but stand on my tippy toes to see what was happening beyond the CAUTION tape. I’d lift up the tarp on the fence to catch a glimpse of the transformation occurring within its’ borders.

I found out the park would open a week after I had left for South Africa this summer. Well, poo! Fine then. I will wait. For I must.

Now the park is open. As James drove me back from the airport yesterday I marveled at its beauty. It is gorgeous. Randomly scattered about I still find pieces of trash from jerks who seek to degrade the good. Destroy the new. But it doesn't matter.

It’s alive again. With families gathering, friends walking, couples paddle boating, children playing and dogs running. The energy the beautiful transformation of the park has made possible is amazing.

I can’t help but make the connection to the metaphor that the park is like myself in a way. Just getting back from traveling I reflect on my own personal journey of the past two years.

What a difference two years truly can make. Funny to think of how long two years seemed when they boarded it up two years ago. And how like a blink, a wrinkle in time, it is done. Two years has passed. And no matter how much impatience I felt for it “to just be done already”, I know it was well worth the wait seeing what it has become.

Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Anything worth doing is worth putting in the time. And sometimes, though we may not like it – scratch that – we never like it, working on oneself and making a conscious effort to grow and transform takes time. It can be painful. It requires effort and does not happen overnight. But man is it worth it.

I am beyond grateful for the gorgeous park that is now open a half a block away from where I live. And as far as my own transformation, sometimes I can’t find words to describe the gratitude I feel.

Here’s a word: Peace.

I feel peace.

Follow Me To Africa

For those of you who haven’t heard I’m going to South Africa this summer with a company called ThinkImpact. I was hired as an adviser for their Institute this summer. To find out more follow my journey via my other blog specifically for my adventures as a travel writing, vagabond with insatiable wanderlust.

Below is the link to my blog where I will be recording my adventures:

Follow My Journey Here!

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba……

From the day we arrive on the planet

And blinking, step into the sun

There's more to see than can ever be seen

More to do than can ever be done

Follow me as I blinking step into the sun :)

Please share my stories. I'm honored to share them with you and hopefully the world.

Love,

Carly

To Censor, or not to Censor, that is the Question:

I sat down to write a very significant and insightful (read in my big girl serious voice) blog entry about how our inner critic, endless mind chatter, creative Censor (courtesy of "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron) if you will is killing us. Controlling us. Keeping us in fear. Somehow this poured out and I couldn't seem to stop. To stop would let the Censor win. And though the Censor wins a lot. Not today....

           As the sun blinds me through the blinds on this glorious Sunday, I actually hear birds chirping as the smoky dust from the barbecue pierces my nostrils as I sit in this warm bright room. As I adjust the blinds so I can see I’m temporarily poked by the suns rays through its splits. One orchid hangs limply as one is bright and perked outdoing the other. If only they knew it wasn't a competition. Many tongues are spoken on the air outside as I try to make out the meaning to one conversation only to realize it doesn't matter. Words are being spoken and shared among friends and families as dogs bark and engines rev on this busy street in Los Angeles.

Why does this orchid hang so low? Perk up little orchid. Don’t you know we are waiting for your greatness to bloom? Everyone can see it but you. Laughter. A baby crying. What for? I might never know. A wall with many windows crammed onto one building. Drying clothes, potted plants and filth decorate the little glimpses into the neighbor’s worlds.

 Where is this coming from? These words? This flow? This fear that if I stop typing my muse with get mad and never grace me with her presence again. This rabbit foot of luck. Me wanting to force this essay into a preachy sermon-blog entry-poem? What if it can’t be forced into nothing but this flow? Flow on.

The mustache beneath the potted plant smiles up at me as if he knows a secret. Let me in on it Mr. Mustache. Please. Pretty please. Isn't it beautiful that art doesn't have to be beautiful? Or make any sense? It can be pure play. Pure poetry of abstract nothingness. Why are things that mean nothing so hard for us to swallow? We feel hallow. When really it’s just like when we were in kindergarten and our drawings and our games didn't need to make sense or have a reason they just were. They existed. And it was glorious and that was enough for us. When did we start taking ourselves so seriously? When did life stop being so fun and become so “adult?”

“I’ll never grow up!”, my inner child shouts and stomps. But have I? Every worry or conviction that comes to my head drives me crazy but when I really stop to take a look at the absurdity of it all I can’t control my laughter. Quirky smiles of “Oh you!” as I shake my finger at my logical mind. “When are you gonna learn to let go and play like you used to?” Good question. When are you?

Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong

In honor of Valentine's Day I'm opening up my creative heart to this vast virtual universe and sharing some of my love poems. The first poem was first read this past year at Da Poetry Lounge during one of their Tuesday Spoken Word nights. Wo-man, do I love that place! I need to get my butt back up on that stage and to that mic because there is nothing quite like the rush of sharing your own words with strangers.

I’m not sharing this particular work to indulge in the love cliches and corniness that is marketed and shoved down everyone’s throats on this very holiday. Nor as a reminder to all the single ladies, correction, people out there or to people in relationships where they may feel have become too “bland” or have gotten too “comfortable” for romance.

If anything I hope me sharing reminds everyone out there, single or in a relationship to never settle. And that love, is always worth opening your heart for again.

No matter how scary those uncharted waters may seem.

And I'm not just talking about romantic love either. Opening your heart to anyone or anything is scary.

True vulnerability is terrifying. Yet allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the only path to experiencing anything worth experiencing in life; love, heartbreak, joy, sadness, success, failure - beautiful complex emotions. Neither bad nor good but worth living. Worth feeling.

Check out this AMAZING Ted Talks video about "The Power Of Vulnerability" if you still don't get what I mean. It will change your perspective completely. Change your life if you let it.

Indulge in the cliche of this holiday if you want, I know I have and did a little today, but now I’d rather invite all of you openly share your praises, affection and appreciation for the ones you love in your life, randomly, heck, why not all the time? Not just on a particular day where it’s traditional to do so.

So enjoy. Feel free to share with loved ones. Feel free to be inspired to write your own personal love poem by reading one of mine. I’d feel honored if my work evoked such inspiration.


I Want To Make Love To Your Mind

I want you so badly I can barely stand it

Lip to lip

Mouth to mouth

The very body part that helps us to speak and breath also helps us to connect with another human being

To taste their thoughts and smell their worry

But how can I let you inside me when I haven’t let you inside my heart yet?

We seem to do that a lot

Open our legs more easily than our hearts

Why open our legs but not our mouths?

Kiss, touch, lick, breath - no problem

You can’t stop the flow - the loudness of it all

But to speak truth, our mind, our past – silence

We can literally become part of another person, even if just for a moment, but when it comes to communicating we are detached, distant - literally speechless

That’s stopping - now

I want to make love to your mind.

I want your words to be my foreplay until my appetite is so wet and ready for the piercing of your thoughts

Your ideas planted - seeded in my mind

I want to get pregnant with your passion

I want to conceive and carry your vulnerability in my womb until we are both ready to birth a stronger and wiser person

I want you to tantalize my neck with your whispers of dreams and hopes, desires and fears until I climax into an ecstasy of passionate enlightenment of my entire body, mind and spirit

I want you to penetrate my mind

Shake things up

Make me question, think and burn for more of your words and thoughts until I’m begging you to stop from the convulsions of my brain because I can’t take the intensity any longer

Can our minds make love where our ideas build and we raise our voices higher and higher until we are both shouting at the top of our lungs in one huge orgasmic breath because we can barely get the thoughts out fast enough?

Until our words and thoughts ignite and explode because of the electricity of sparks bouncing back and forth from your mind to mine

With each word I’m turned on. I want to go. Right then and there. I’m ready.

To debate. To discuss. To argue and disagree, to challenge and question, to understand and relate in a fit of fiery passionate until we are finishing each other’s sentences

Until I can taste your words on top of mine and with each swallow your love, your ideas, your beliefs, your thoughts, slide within me to rest here safely in my heart

I want each facet of my mind to be stimulated and awakened by your unique ideas, your humor and kindness

I want to comeeeeeeeee forth and make myself known through my words to you

I want to make love to your mind. Are you ready to make love to mine?

Is your mind ready?


Opposing Magnets

If opposites attract
Then I am so attracted to you
Like two magnets
Pushing and pulling at each other every which way
Bodies
Lips
Tongues
Back and forth
Up and down
Go –- Stop
Slow –- Fast
More –- Less
Just confess that you love this little game of hot and cold as much as I do
It’s exciting
Simple
And real
Where we can both just be

My loudness fills your silence
My friendly bounce brings your shyness into focus
My crazy head swirling with paranoid, preposterous thoughts is brought back from orbit by your logic and balance
I nurture your awkwardness as I feel a grounded sense of being next to your
Stillness
Present moment oh so clear
How can you be the only person - thing in the world that brings me back to earth?
Brings me back to NOW
Here
This place
With you

The End Of The World...As We Know It At Least

Today was prophesied to be the "End Of The World" according to the Mayan calendar.

What is exciting to me is that I want the world to end. Let me be more specific. I want THIS world to end. I want people to practice being more loving, understanding and open. I want the wars to finally stop. I want ignorance to be questioned and challenged more and more. I want more comfort in the uncomfortable. I want less texting and more face-to-face communication. I want more hugs and laughing and freedom for everyone to be completely self-expressed without worry of judgment or repercussions. I want more extraordinary people, which in my mind is everyone, on this planet living up to their extraordinary potential. I want everyone to stop waiting for someone, something, some job, some promotion, and some paycheck to be their salvation and instead of creating it for themselves. I want a planet that begins looking out and standing up for your fellow man, instead having a one track mind that only thinks of me, me, me, mine, mine, mine. I want people to hold others accountable and lovingly accepting them for who they are. Disappearing judgment. Taking a moment to allow others that you “know” and others that you don't know to be anything other than what you've already decided them to be.  I want a population that finally realizes that we are ALL connected and that the person starving in another country, the person holding a sign at your street corner while you are stopped in traffic or the one freezing in the gutter is you. I want a planet that begins to understand the concept that we are ALL responsible for everything happening here. And the sooner we all begin actually believing that the better. The sooner we stop saying "Not my problem" "But that's not my job" "Not my fault" the sooner we as humanity can move towards a brighter future.  

And most of all, can we just be happy and grateful in this present moment because it is all we have? As corny as it sounds, it’s called the present because it is a gift.

A gift so precious yet we discount it every day as we let our minds wander to places we'd rather be, people we'd rather be spending our time with and things we'd rather be doing.

What if we all decided to believe that every single second of our life is exactly where we were meant and supposed to be at that given moment? Would that take the pressure off? Would that allow us to be fully present in whatever moment we were in?

I've been thinking about the idea of being present a lot lately, especially while I’m at work. A place I used to let my mind wander as if I was one of the children I was taking care of. Going through the motions but not truly being there. Now I've realized that being present in every moment could mean the difference between life or death. Between missing it or not. Between connect or disconnect. Between sharing a moment or that beautiful moment never existing. The difference between children growing up with adults that are actually listening to them and ones that are not really there. What a difference that could make in the future of this world.

I cannot tell you how beyond elated I am for this coming New Year. There’s just something about starting a New Year that feels so fresh and clean slatey. The possibility of a new life, a better life, a different life. But I don't want new, better or different. I want nothing. I want to start from nothing because from nothing ANYTHING is possible. If there’s anything that I’ve learned from Landmark Education that’s one of the main lessons that I will continue to take with me through the rest of my life. I have transformed my life, my perspective and my heart in more ways then one this year and I know that the longer I exist on this planet the more I will continue to evolve and grow into the person I am destined to become. The more I will continue to live this transformed extraordinary life that I never thought possible a few months ago.

I'm up to big things. Are you? Do you want to be? You can be. Anyone can. I think we all are but some of us are just too afraid to admit it or too afraid to take action towards those big things.

So instead of resolutions; empty promises that seem so easily broken, why not commitments? I'm finishing up my Commitment seminar class at the beginning of the year with Landmark Education and one big thing it has taught me is that just because I miss one day of my pages as a writer does not take away the underlying commitment I have made to being of being a prolific phenomenal writer that is abundantly creating new, authentic and unique work. And that if I sit there and dwell in the slip up and make it mean that I'm a failure than I truly will be. Instead of acknowledging that I broke my word and recommitting. Because sometimes that's all you can do. One step, one day at the time.

I'm so excited for the metaphorical rebirth of this planet. I feel a shift in energy that is coming about. A change in the winds. This Winter Solstice we are still alive, we are still standing. The coldness of this season will freeze over all of the negativity from our past holding us back so when the New Year comes it can melt it all away where we will be left with nothing and from nothing ANYTHING is possible. So I'm forever living forward with the possibility of being limitless. Limitless in my life, my mind, my relationships, my career. Being extraordinary in every aspect of my designed life. Settling for nothing. Being up to something. ‘Cause our old realm has ended and with every ending there’s always a new beginning. So lets begin…

I want a global shift. I want a revolution. I want to take a stand for the transformation of this planet as a whole not just myself as an individual. 

Goodbye old world, hello brand new realm of possibility!

Splinter

I found a splinter in my hand Friday night. I picked at it incessantly as I had a conversation over the phone with a mentor friend of mine who works at Landmark Education (an organization I will be referencing quite a lot in my blog from here on out) who was offering me some insight. We discussed various topics all related to the workability of ones life. Limiting beliefs that hold us back and actions we can take to move forward and transform those beliefs into a new realm of possibility for you and your life. Sounds wonderful, right? ‘What’s the catch?’ ‘There’s gotta be a “catch,”’ you must be thinking. The “catch” is that it can be a painful process and it takes a lot of courage. It means confronting your demons and being willing to use intellectual effort to be self-observant and reflective of your own behavior. And not just be aware of it but to do something about it. What’s the good of having knowledge of something if you don’t apply it to anything? Some like to call it baggage or demons but for the sake of this story and the context in which this metaphor arose I’m going to call them splinters.

Turning a blind eye to something in your life that you know you should address, clean up, complete – whatever you want to call it, is like leaving a splinter in your finger and thinking that you can get along fine with it stuck there. Yeah sure your life will still “work”. You still might have good relationships, they just might not be great.  Thinking that something is too small, to insignificant to matter or make a difference is the most ignorant way one could possibly view the impact your actions and non-actions have upon the world. Everything matters. Every little thing. The difference between a splinter and a splinter - less hand could save your life. That’s what I don’t think most people realize when they shrug off an incomplete or avoided conversation. A snide remark. A few minutes late here and there. It’s like day and night. The difference between going through life fulfilled and complete with no baggage pulling you down or dragging you backwards and trudging through the mud with a plastered on forced smile as you try to ignore that annoying pebble in your shoe that slightly pierces your heel with each excoriating step. So quit being a baby and go get the needles, tweezers and peroxide and have the courage to start pulling out the splinters in your life - one by one. It’ll sting like hell but you’ll be free. Just remember the relief after all of the panicked squirming and screaming was over when you were a child. Once it was done there was this sense of serenity. Peace. Imagine that calmness whenever you feel afraid, close your eyes and pull. You might be surprised by what you find.

The more you pull the more you'll begin to master identifying your splinters and getting them out. You'll soon be a Splinter Master or a Master Splinter and no I"m not referring to the wise old sage rat from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

What are your splinters in your life?

Shake It Off, Shake It Off!

How did I get here?

Only one day back from New York and I’m at it again. Despair. Worrying. Letting my mind drag me so far down to depths that I never even knew existed within me.

STOP. ENOUGH. If there’s one thing this amazing trip has taught me,restored within me, is faith. Hope. Belief in myself again.

It gave me back some positive. It gave me the perspective I've been digging for under the rumble of this past year. Pushing past rocks and grim, trash and sorrow to find some sort of gem, some sort of sign to help keep my faith alive.

I don’t know if it was the isolation and beauty of upstate New York. The time, freedom and safe, creative environment that allowed me to work on my crafts.  The sleepless nights, the grandeur of the city and lights that seemed too much to take in at moments. Walking everywhere around the bustling, busy streets or being surrounded by talented fellow artists and hearing/seeing their great work at the retreat and in the Big Apple. It helped to rejuvenate my spirits. Fill my well.

Skyline of NYC from Brooklyn.

I was in Greenport, NY for a week participating as an actress and writer in the Manhattan Film Institute’s summer program, Writer’s Retreat With Chazz Palminteri. After that I visited friends in the city and explored, soaking up the culture. As an actor I helped workshop materials of fellow writers and as a writer I got to pitch my own feature screenplay idea, read some pages from it and receive feedback. When I pitched my 7 or so ideas for features and pilots to Chazz and Tony they both kept telling me, “I like that – this, these are very good.” Chazz called me out telling me something to the effect of, “You need to pick one and just go. Stop BSing around and making excuses and just do it.” It’s true, I am. I was.

Sunset from my hotel in Greenport.

The retreat helped me remember that I am destined for greatness. As I think we all are. We all have many gifts to share with the world and as Chazz put it so eloquently in his one-man show turned film A Bronx Tale, “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” And I think that’s what I’ve been mourning over. The wasting. The waiting. The lack of money that has made me feel a lack of self – worth and motivation.

     Save The World - Swedish House Mafia

Then what am I waiting for? And if not me, if not us, then who? Who can we depend on to share their talents? We can't all be waiting for others to step up. To transform the world through art. "Whose gonna save the world tonight? Whose gonna bring it back to life?" Me. You. Us. Together.

Tony Spiridakis leading a Q&A with Chazz Palminteri
after a screening of A Bronx Tale.

I'll never forgot when Chazz was telling us how we need to think about every choice we make and ask ourselves if it's moving us closer or farther away from our purpose, our dream, what we believe in.

He used the example of the character of C in A Bronx Tale. His character was trying to decide whether or not to get into the car with his friends who were going to commit a crime. Are you in the car or are you out of the car?

I'm out of the car and I'm moving forward.

The best teachers I could have hoped for!
(Left To Right: Jeff, Me, Chazz & Tony)

Words cannot express my gratitude to all of my mentors, teachers, supporters, family and friends throughout the years and particularly through this dark time where I’ve found myself, a person of usually very positive demeanor and spirit, not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jeff McCracken, one of the few professors and amazing mentors of mine from Chapman who I felt truly supported and believed in me from the get go and encouraged all my passions; writing, directing, acting and producing. He never discouraged me and told me I needed to pick a focus. He’s been like a father to me. And that’s saying a lot for me considering I’m estranged from my father and even when I wasn’t I still was in a sense. I’m extremely grateful for my newfound honorary father figure mentors and teachers from the writer’s retreat, Tony Spiridakis and Chazz Palminteri. Two wonderfully creative men with such honesty, intelligence and heart. I'm so grateful to have been guided and taught by you all at the retreat. I finished the first act of my feature and my outline for the rest is ready to go. It's just up to me.

3 Generations Of Amazing Friends!
HS, College & "Real World."
I'm Truly Blessed!

To my past transplants and newfound New York family/friends, I thank you for showing me such generous hospitality while exploring your state and city. I had the time of my life and I've never felt this way before - TANGENT! Pump the breaks! No, but seriously, I'm so grateful for people like you within my life.

And now that I’m rejuvenated, now that I’ve found a little bit of hope again I’m ready to …

"Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa"

Shake It Out - Florence + the Machines

So apparently I thought they were saying “Shake It Off” not “Shake It Out” this whole time. But whatevs I like "Shake It Off" better and it's my blog so I can title this entry whatever I want! Ha!

What will my next step be? In the car? Out of the car?

This inner battle of not believing in myself; not allowing my inner artist out to play as they stand at the closed glass door longingly staring outside as the rain pours. No matter the puddles, thunder and lightening - I want to play. I’m ready to play!

A Young Couple & An Old Couple Scene

Here are two short rough scenes. Samples of my writing. I think this is my first official sharing of "work." I mean technically everything written before this entry is my work in some sense but not "officially" I guess. Previous entries were more rants, raves, opinions, etc. Here's a nice fictional change of pace for everyone. Enjoy :)

This first scene was inspired by people watching an adorable, elderly Asian couple on a bench in Little Toyko before the WriteGirl Character, Monologue, Dialogue workshop. I tried to keep it very minimal stage direction and description in honor of the workshop's genre of the day.

Setting: A bench in a cemetery.

An old man and an old woman couple sit dressed in black on a bench in silence. Side by side as they have for years. Since they were kids. It has been 45 years and they are both 90 years old.

Man: Are you too hot?

Woman: No.

Man: We can move to the shade or switch spots?

Woman: I’m fine. Thank you.

Silence.

Man: Are you hungry?

Woman: No.

Man: I’m a little hungry. (pause) Maybe we should eat?

Woman: Sure.

Man: You have to eat.

Woman: Okay.

Man: But will you eat?

Woman: What?

Man: I don’t want to be eating by myself with you watching.Will you eat?

Woman: I’ll try.

Man: Ok.

Silence.

Man: Where should we eat?

Woman: Doesn’t matter.

Man: What type of food?

Woman: I don’t care. Whatever you want.

Man: But I want to know what you want. That’s why I’m asking you.

Woman: It doesn’t matter. (beat) I probably won’t eat.

Man: But you said that you would?

Woman: I said I’d try.

Man: Well I’m really going to need you to try. If you don’t try I know I won’t be able to eat alone.

Woman: You eat alone all the time.

Man: Yes but not with others watching. I eat only when you have to be somewhere else but I know you’re coming home to me. (beat) Will you come home to me?

Woman: Today? (pause) Yes.

Man: Just today?

Woman: You drove us both here.

Man: What about tomorrow?

Woman: I don’t know.

Man: You don’t know what?

Woman: If I can hold on ‘til then.

Man: But you must.

Woman: Why? What for?

Man: For me.

Woman: For you?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Ok. I’ll try then.

END SCENE

The second scene is a couple scene contrasted with teenagers rather than elderly. Inspired by a couple of bicyclists lying on a patch of grass near Echo Park in the middle of night with their safefy lights on their bikes being the only thing helping them stand out in the darkness.

SETTING: School field. Night.

A couple of thirteen-year-old teenagers sit on the grassfield behind their school. Their bikes are sprawled out in front of their collapsed bodies as their safety lights blink consistently. They are laughing hysterically gasping for air.

Boy: (laughing) Did you see their faces?

Girl: (gasping) I know! (gasp) I know!

The girl SNORTS. They both LAUGH harder.

Girl: (laughing/gasping) They – they - the-

Boy: (laughing) Just stop! (guffaws) You’re embarrassing yourself.

Girl: (laughing and shoving the boy) Shut it bunghole.

Boy: Bunghole?

They laugh harder until their laughs finally subside and fade into heavy sighs and breathing in unison. They lie on their backs staring up at the sky.

Girl: You think they know it was us?

Boy: Who cares?

Girl: I do. And you do too. Stop trying to act cool.

Boy: I’m not. I don’t care if they find out it was us.

Girl: We wanted a little secret sweet revenge not an excuse for them to give us more shit.

Boy: Well we can’t do anything about it now can we?

Silence.

Girl: At least if they give us shit we’ll get it together.

Boy: Yeah. That always makes it less…shitty.

Silence.

Boy: You hear from your dad?

Girl: Nope.

Boy: Nothing?

Girl: Not since.

The boy opens his mouth about to speak but then closes it and does not speak.

Girl: What?

Boy: Nothing.

Girl: What were you gonna say?

Boy: Nothing. Just drop it.

Girl: I won’t until you tell me what you we were gonna say. I’m not stupid. You were about to say something - so say it!

Boy: I was gonna say what an asshole. That your dad has to be a complete fucking asshole to leave someone as great as you.

The girl’s eyes fill up with tears.

Girl: Thanks? I guess.

The girl bursts into tears.

Boy: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Why couldn’t you just let me say nothing?

Girl: Cause you’re the only one who ever tells me the truth. It’s never nothing.

The girl continues to cry harder.

Boy: Hey....hey?

He hesitates and then awkwardly hugs her until he slowly collapses relaxing into the embrace. Her crying and breathing slowly regulate.

Boy: It’s ok. It’s ok.

Girl: You’re the only person who hasn’t left me.

Boy: (teasing) How many people do you actually know?

Girl: (laughing) Shut up. (shoves him) I mean it.

Silence.

Boy: Well same here.

Girl: What about –

Boy: You know they don’t count.

Their eyes lock and there is an understanding for a brief moment. The sprinklers of the field turn on suddenly.

Girl: Shit!

Boy: RUN!

They yell and laugh as they get up slipping and tripping over themselves until they finally frantically mount their bikes to escape the sprinkler storm.

END SCENE