Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Young Couple & An Old Couple Scene

Here are two short rough scenes. Samples of my writing. I think this is my first official sharing of "work." I mean technically everything written before this entry is my work in some sense but not "officially" I guess. Previous entries were more rants, raves, opinions, etc. Here's a nice fictional change of pace for everyone. Enjoy :)

This first scene was inspired by people watching an adorable, elderly Asian couple on a bench in Little Toyko before the WriteGirl Character, Monologue, Dialogue workshop. I tried to keep it very minimal stage direction and description in honor of the workshop's genre of the day.

Setting: A bench in a cemetery.

An old man and an old woman couple sit dressed in black on a bench in silence. Side by side as they have for years. Since they were kids. It has been 45 years and they are both 90 years old.

Man: Are you too hot?

Woman: No.

Man: We can move to the shade or switch spots?

Woman: I’m fine. Thank you.


Man: Are you hungry?

Woman: No.

Man: I’m a little hungry. (pause) Maybe we should eat?

Woman: Sure.

Man: You have to eat.

Woman: Okay.

Man: But will you eat?

Woman: What?

Man: I don’t want to be eating by myself with you watching.Will you eat?

Woman: I’ll try.

Man: Ok.


Man: Where should we eat?

Woman: Doesn’t matter.

Man: What type of food?

Woman: I don’t care. Whatever you want.

Man: But I want to know what you want. That’s why I’m asking you.

Woman: It doesn’t matter. (beat) I probably won’t eat.

Man: But you said that you would?

Woman: I said I’d try.

Man: Well I’m really going to need you to try. If you don’t try I know I won’t be able to eat alone.

Woman: You eat alone all the time.

Man: Yes but not with others watching. I eat only when you have to be somewhere else but I know you’re coming home to me. (beat) Will you come home to me?

Woman: Today? (pause) Yes.

Man: Just today?

Woman: You drove us both here.

Man: What about tomorrow?

Woman: I don’t know.

Man: You don’t know what?

Woman: If I can hold on ‘til then.

Man: But you must.

Woman: Why? What for?

Man: For me.

Woman: For you?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Ok. I’ll try then.


The second scene is a couple scene contrasted with teenagers rather than elderly. Inspired by a couple of bicyclists lying on a patch of grass near Echo Park in the middle of night with their safefy lights on their bikes being the only thing helping them stand out in the darkness.

SETTING: School field. Night.

A couple of thirteen-year-old teenagers sit on the grassfield behind their school. Their bikes are sprawled out in front of their collapsed bodies as their safety lights blink consistently. They are laughing hysterically gasping for air.

Boy: (laughing) Did you see their faces?

Girl: (gasping) I know! (gasp) I know!

The girl SNORTS. They both LAUGH harder.

Girl: (laughing/gasping) They – they - the-

Boy: (laughing) Just stop! (guffaws) You’re embarrassing yourself.

Girl: (laughing and shoving the boy) Shut it bunghole.

Boy: Bunghole?

They laugh harder until their laughs finally subside and fade into heavy sighs and breathing in unison. They lie on their backs staring up at the sky.

Girl: You think they know it was us?

Boy: Who cares?

Girl: I do. And you do too. Stop trying to act cool.

Boy: I’m not. I don’t care if they find out it was us.

Girl: We wanted a little secret sweet revenge not an excuse for them to give us more shit.

Boy: Well we can’t do anything about it now can we?


Girl: At least if they give us shit we’ll get it together.

Boy: Yeah. That always makes it less…shitty.


Boy: You hear from your dad?

Girl: Nope.

Boy: Nothing?

Girl: Not since.

The boy opens his mouth about to speak but then closes it and does not speak.

Girl: What?

Boy: Nothing.

Girl: What were you gonna say?

Boy: Nothing. Just drop it.

Girl: I won’t until you tell me what you we were gonna say. I’m not stupid. You were about to say something - so say it!

Boy: I was gonna say what an asshole. That your dad has to be a complete fucking asshole to leave someone as great as you.

The girl’s eyes fill up with tears.

Girl: Thanks? I guess.

The girl bursts into tears.

Boy: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Why couldn’t you just let me say nothing?

Girl: Cause you’re the only one who ever tells me the truth. It’s never nothing.

The girl continues to cry harder.

Boy: Hey....hey?

He hesitates and then awkwardly hugs her until he slowly collapses relaxing into the embrace. Her crying and breathing slowly regulate.

Boy: It’s ok. It’s ok.

Girl: You’re the only person who hasn’t left me.

Boy: (teasing) How many people do you actually know?

Girl: (laughing) Shut up. (shoves him) I mean it.


Boy: Well same here.

Girl: What about –

Boy: You know they don’t count.

Their eyes lock and there is an understanding for a brief moment. The sprinklers of the field turn on suddenly.

Girl: Shit!

Boy: RUN!

They yell and laugh as they get up slipping and tripping over themselves until they finally frantically mount their bikes to escape the sprinkler storm.


1 comment:

  1. Carly, I love these stories. The first one reminds of some of the things George and I say to one another (after all we will celebrate 44 years of marriage next month). lol

    Keep on writing sweetie and remember how proud we are of you and your enthusiam for life.